A Journey into the Soul of a Jeep

We all know the jeep is on its trillionth life, condescending to our humble needs though he has already made it in to heaven. A soul transfigured, willingly, he is assisting us in limbo until we can afford an Impreza (not the WRX, nor the hatchback, thank you, I desire what I once possessed), wherein he will go out to jeep pasture and stay there: a place where Warren outfits him to become a monster truck.

What we may not know is how touch-and-go his life really may be. I was informed of this when I went to the jeep dealer for a free replacement of the emergency brake, due to recall.

This didn't surprise us, as the brake had led to many a catastrophe previous, such as when the jeep was parked on a slope and decided to go for a jaunt down the hill and Warren had to chase it, jumping through the passenger's side and slamming his hand on the brake pedal right before it went off a cliff. That last part was more of a 1980's low budget reenactment of the incident, but I am on a budget.

So I went to the waiting room after I signed the jeep in and ah, waited. After an hour and a half of serious operations, undoubtedly, a pleasant looking man with a concerned face approached and carefully sat down next to me, folding his hands together. This was the conversation that ensued:

Storytime by TDHH

Mechanic: "So," (nodding his head) "that's your jeep."

Me: (worried) "Yes."

Mechanic: "Well," (now shaking his head, politely, of course) "we changed the emergency brake, but there are some things that concern me."

Me: (Shrugging my shoulders to look unworried) "Yeah, I don't doubt that."

Mechanic: (getting really serious now and putting his thumb and forefinger close together) "The brakes," (a heavy sigh) "are within a centimeter of going out."

Me: (nodding my head and thinking about how that explained the nightmares I'd been having)

Mechanic: "You are in grave danger."

(He really said: "They could go out at any time," but you see what I mean.)

Me: "Oh, okay."

(Pause)

Mechanic: "Well anyway there are some other things too: the headlights don't stay on."

Me: "Oh, well that's because the lever snapped off one time and we had to replace it ourselves. Of everything that does work with the new lever, that just happens to not. You just move it the other way and they stay on."

(Pause)

Mechanic: "Okay." (looking down at his list) "Well maybe that's what happened to the wiper fluid . . . "

Me: "Yes, well you see that's actually handled by a switch now."

Mechanic: "A switch?"

Me: "Yes. On the dashboard."

Mechanic: "Okay. A circumventing switch." (he says this to himself as he writes it down on the list)

Mechanic: "Anyway, most of your car's fluids are coagulated."

Me: "Really?"

Mechanic: "Yes." (he nods his head and looks smug) "Your trans fluid and your rear differential fluid and your power steering fluid . . . "

Me: "Oh yeah, it's been almost like, a year since we replaced the power steering fluid."

Mechanic: "Well, it usually takes over three years to coagulate like that."

Me: "Is that right."

Mechanic: "Yes."

(Pause)

Me: "Well, what about the engine oil?"

Mechanic: "Oh, that's actually pretty good."

(Pause)

Mechanic: (not even looking at list because he had it all memorized) "But your headlights are askew. They actually point different directions."

Me-in-thought: And the night has been so dark.

Mechanic: " . . . And your tranny case is leaking."

Me: "Ah. I already knew that one."


(Big Pause)


Mechanic/Salesman: "Well, if you ever get the chance to come back in, we'd be happy to serve you."

We stared at each other for a moment before he stood up to shake my hand.

Me: "Yeah, we'll have to get this all fixed at some point . . . " (rather nervously)

Mechanic: "Yes, well here's your copy of the list . . . "

Mechanic: ". . . we have our own."

(This is where menacing music would have come in and then a break into commercial, but unfortunately, I had to walk with this guy to the jeep and sally forth frothing at the mouth with awkward and ignominious small talk--he, knowing that I wouldn't come back in and me, knowing that yes, I wouldn't come back in.)

Warlord at least now has a free diagnostic list to pick and choose what to fix and when, the wonderful soul.

In truth, this is where I tap the brakes all the way home.


Here is a priceless picture of the jeep:





You can see it better in this one. Good dog!





And so the jeep still goes, except that the other day on the way back from the Uintas the tailpipe completely severed from the muffler.

No need to worry, we sounded just like all of our neighbors until we unfortunately fixed it.

But otherwise what I came to was that a corroded soul like the jeep's was just one indicating alchemization (don't look that up) taking place. Our little lab of a jeep by now has a heart of gold, is the thing and no less, and it will last the distance. You just have to believe in it. (From The Never Ending Story. Atrayu: just say her name. [Except I can't even remember her name. Something like Starsha or some relative galactical variant.])



(Dedicated to Jules [J-e-w-e-l-s] because I talked about alchemy after she talked about alchemy.)